我们需要坐船去滨海拉塞纳（La Seyne-Sur-Mer）小镇，那里有一片温暖的勒萨布雷（Les Sablettes）海滩。法国南部，除了2007年我去过尼斯戛纳电影节之外，这是第二次。南法的天极蓝，普罗旺斯蔚蓝海岸，透着地中海气候的暖，而我感觉有点发凉。When we arrive in Toulon, we need to take a boat to the coastal town of La Seyne-Sur-Mer, where there is a warm beach called Les Sablettes.This is my second time in the south of France, apart from attending the Cannes Film Festival in 2007. The sky in the south of France is extremely blue. Not sad blue but Happy Provence Blue. The Provence coastline is a beautiful shade of blue, with a warm Mediterranean climate. However, I feel a bit chilly.

愉悦：是在一段关系里的快感。

若按这标题，那相关画作可多了。更多是我作为第三人眼光看待我在爱情中的状态变化。还有的是玲霞妹妹，她做模特，写生了几幅。

Pleasant: it comes from the enjoyment of a relationship.

If we go by this title, there are indeed many related artworks. Mostly, I see myself as a third person observing the changes in my state of being in love. There is also Lingxia, my sister, who posed as a model and I painted a few portraits of her. At that time, we were talking and drinking, but it wasn't enough, so I painted as well.

展出地点：法国巴黎 卢浮宫卡鲁塞尔艺术中心（10月21日至23日）Art Shopping Carrousel du Louvre（21/23 october）

颁奖典礼：2022年10月22日，巴黎玛莱区的中心画廊 October 22th, 2022, in the Art Gallery, located in the heart of Marais – Paris

《橘园》Musee De I’Orangerie

我的左耳里是画作讲解

右耳塞进了他给我的无线耳机

他在给我放他喜欢的音乐,他们的语言

我在看雷诺阿、莫奈、德兰

他在后面看我

In my left ear is the narration of the paintings. In my right ear, I have his wireless earphones plugged in. He's playing me his favorite music, in their language. I'm looking at Renoir, Monet, and Van Gogh, And he's watching me from behind.

Chez Francis餐厅，啊！我想我是来过这里的。月初和艺术家路尔就是这一夜在巴黎街头狂奔的。应该是11月5日或者6日的晚上，来这里之前我已经喝了两瓶酒了。而路尔说他不喝。他干嘛不喝？！不喝就不喝吧！“好吧，我自己喝吧！难得在巴黎可以遇见聊得来，且能说中文的人。”我挠着头皮，是这么跟路尔说的。其实那时候，我该是在借酒消愁吧。好像，我们先是去了东京宫那个酒吧，我忘记什么名字了。结果他不小心坐在室外的沙发上了，坐了一屁股水跟尿裤子似的。后来，我们又在埃菲尔铁塔前那座桥大喊大叫，一起跑了好久。唉？！那是一座什么桥来着？！路尔是长跑运动员出身，我跟着他跑得感觉像跑在了高原藏区，舌头都要掉到胸上了。我刚才才想起来，跑的那座桥是Passerelle Debilly。

Chez Francis… Ah! I think I’ve been here before. Earlier this month, on the very same night, I was running wildly through the streets of Paris with the artist Lu Er. It must have been the evening of November 5th or 6th—before coming here, I had already downed two bottles of wine. And  Lu Er said he wouldn’t drink. Why wouldn’t he drink?! Well, fine, suit yourself! "Alright then, I’ll drink on my own! It’s rare to meet someone in Paris I can chat with so freely, and in Chinese too." Scratching my head, that’s what I said to Lu Er. Honestly, I was probably just trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol at the time. As I recall, we first went to a bar near the Palais de Tokyo—I’ve forgotten its name. Then, Luel accidentally sat on a damp outdoor sofa, ending up with a wet patch on his trousers as if he’d wet himself. Later, we stood on the bridge in front of the Eiffel Tower, shouting and screaming, and ran together for what felt like ages. Ah, wait—what was that bridge called again? Lu Er used to be a long-distance runner, and trying to keep up with him felt like sprinting across the high-altitude plateaus of Tibet—I could practically feel my tongue dangling down to my chest. It just hit me now: the bridge we ran across was Passerelle Debilly.

我真发现我是个中国胃了。出国一周后，就有了强烈的欲望和不满足感，这比较麻烦了。我去过一次菜场，买得麻烦，选择不多，不是我的厨房，我动手也是那么不自信。

​I've realized that I have a Chinese stomach. After being abroad for a week, I've developed a strong desire and dissatisfaction, which is quite troublesome. I went to a local market once, but it was troublesome to buy groceries, and there weren't many options. It's not my own kitchen, so I feel so unsure when it comes to cooking.

我们需要坐船去滨海拉塞纳（La Seyne-Sur-Mer）小镇，那里有一片温暖的勒萨布雷（Les Sablettes）海滩。法国南部，除了2007年我去过尼斯戛纳电影节之外，这是第二次。南法的天极蓝，普罗旺斯蔚蓝海岸，透着地中海气候的暖，而我感觉有点发凉。When we arrive in Toulon, we need to take a boat to the coastal town of La Seyne-Sur-Mer, where there is a warm beach called Les Sablettes.This is my second time in the south of France, apart from attending the Cannes Film Festival in 2007. The sky in the south of France is extremely blue. Not sad blue but Happy Provence Blue. The Provence coastline is a beautiful shade of blue, with a warm Mediterranean climate. However, I feel a bit chilly.

表演者们，走音也唱得很愉快，与其说是演出，不如说是娱乐自己。我觉得这样也好，本身唱歌表演，也可以表演给自己看，随性。表演者们很快乐。快将快乐传染给我。

Performers, even when off-key, sing with such joy that it feels more like entertainment than a performance.

I think it's great that singing and performing can also be a form of self-entertainment, just being themselves.

The performers are so happy. Infect me with your happiness.

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《橘园》Musee De I’Orangerie

我的左耳里是画作讲解

右耳塞进了他给我的无线耳机

他在给我放他喜欢的音乐,他们的语言

我在看雷诺阿、莫奈、德兰

他在后面看我

In my left ear is the narration of the paintings. In my right ear, I have his wireless earphones plugged in. He's playing me his favorite music, in their language. I'm looking at Renoir, Monet, and Van Gogh, And he's watching me from behind.

昨日与保罗•科恩说了再见后，我忙着打车回到表妹家。深夜，也没睡意。之前，我把刺耳的实话说给保罗•科恩听，并没有任何爽的感觉，相反觉得我俩都有些可怜。我为什么要这么残忍？！不能看着人家保罗•科恩掩饰自己的生活吗？！他也许是知道自己的真实状况，只不过选择粉饰而已。弗洛伊德说:无法表达的情感永远不会消失。它被活埋了。总有一天它会以更丑恶的方式出现。算了，尽早说实话吧，面对现实才是积极的态度。如何面对呢？我也不知道。

After saying goodbye to Paul Cohen yesterday, I rushed to catch a cab back to my cousin's place. Late into the night, sleep still eluded me. Earlier, I had spoken harsh truths to Paul Cohen, but I felt no sense of relief. Instead, I pitied both of us. Why did I have to be so cruel?! Couldn't I just let Paul Cohen hide the reality of his life?! Perhaps he already knows his true situation and simply chooses to gloss it over. Freud once said: emotions that cannot be expressed never truly disappear. They are buried alive, only to resurface one day in an uglier form. Well, better to speak the truth sooner rather than later. Facing reality is the only positive approach. But how to face it? I don’t know that either.

菲律宾宿雾开车到Oslob看鲸鲨，需要三个半小时。那天由潜水频道Owner Michael Lim带队，宿务当地人陪同着，开始与鲸鲨的亲密接触。潜水和水下拍摄，像是我想象中的太空旅行。我们叫它“内太空”。另一个潜水点是Kontiki Marina。这在big M看起来是一个四流潜点，不过在我看来已经很美得要狂喜了。随行的杰米被留在岸边看包，潜水教练厄尔带我，埃尔文，负责拍照，Big M和我拍视频。当然这些往事，要说起来，故事就长了。就要说起这好几年不见的big M，也是我写小说《冬日巴黎》的一个缘起。相当于因big M的名字打了框，我也改变了我生活的方式。

The drive from Cebu in the Philippines to Oslob to see the whale sharks took three and a half hours. That day, led by Michael Lim, the owner of the diving channel, and accompanied by locals from Cebu, we began our close encounter with the whale sharks. Diving and underwater photography felt like the space travel I had imagined. We called it "inner space." Another diving spot was Kontiki Marina. To Big M, it seemed like a fourth-rate dive site, but to me, it was breathtakingly beautiful, almost exhilarating. Jamie, who accompanied us, was left on the shore to watch our bags. The diving instructor, Earl, guided me, while Elvin was responsible for photography, and Big M and I filmed the videos. Of course, when it comes to these past memories, the story becomes longer. It brings up Big M, whom I haven't seen for years, and serves as one of the inspirations for my novel *Winter in Paris*. It’s as if, because of the framework created by Big M's name, I also changed the way I live my life.

 (lilyma): Salut . tu es beau . Aime moi? 【法语大意：你好，你好帅，可以爱我吗？！】

我这一生也就是为情所困了罢 【Tis my life, I think... to be lost in love】

能爱是一种能力，会爱是另一种能力 【To love is an ability, but to know how to love is an enablement 】